The "MAN" doesn’t care if you’re stressed out . . .

So we have Danny flopping on the floor on a regular basis like a big pale halibut. (Best Homer Simpson voice, Mmmmm halibut!) We are going to lots of medical places and getting lots of tests done and no one has a good answer. For me, that’s stressful. But, I’m 44, not 17.

Life is funny, isn’t it? It’s kind of all or nothing.

Danny has a friend-that-is-a-girl. You’ve heard me mention her to you. She’s been around for a LONG time. I don’t mind, she’s smart and funny and is her own person. Danny could do much worse. The friend-that-is-a-girl is a senior this year. Yes, she’s the older woman. She invited Danny to attend her high school’s Homecoming Dance.

(Sidebar: If you homeschool, the minute you announce to the world that you’re going to homeschool, it takes only about five minutes until someone says “What about the prom?” It’s true! I’m here to say that homeschool kids DO attend dances and tons of other social functions – without the benefit of attending “real” school everyday. The “prom” argument is beyond a non-issue.)

So, big deal, you say? I said the same thing. I asked Danny what he wanted to wear to the soiree and we discussed male fashion (him: pants/shirt/tie me:Does she have a dress yet? What color? What length? How do you feel about oxfords verses loafers? What are your opinions on jackets? Gah! Boys just don’t appreciate it all.)

But, I was wrong, it’s not about what Danny is going to wear. It’s about if Danny can even GO to the dance. I thought Danny was kidding me when he hung up the phone the other night and said that his friend-that-is-a-girl would need a letter from me and a copy of Danny’s transcript if he wanted to attend the dance. This isn’t even a homeschool thing. It’s about us being from a different county. Go figure. Had the friend-that-is-a-girl invited a boy from a private school, that would be fine. Had the friend-that-is-a-girl invited a friend from her own county, that would be fine. Apparently, we live in a rogue county. Am I alone in finding this bizarre? We are so un-rogue-ish here – really. Unless grilling on Sundays counts.

But, these are teenagers. On Sunday, Mike drove Dan over to meet up with the friend-that-is-a-girl’s mom so he could fill out a form so Dan could go to the dance. Apparently, that wasn’t enough. Dan and the ftiag talked today. Her school insisted on a letter and a transcript. Really? Has ANY of you ever had to provide a transcript to attend a Homecoming Dance? Do the mediocre students have to attend a sit-in-dance in the cafteria? “Heh, you’re cute, here’s a tater tot . . .”

Talk about piss-me-off. This is a power-trip gone wild. No other school in this county does this kind of thing. Are these folks so stoopid they don’t remember being in high school? If I had a bad kid, I would know NOTHING about any of this. He would simply make his own transcript and forge a letter. D’oh! Who wouldn’t?

But, my son really wanted to go and his ftiag really wants to celebrate her senior year . . . so I caved. I printed out a transcript. I struggled with the letter. Here is the first draft…

To Whom It May Concern:

My son, DB, is seeking to attend your upcoming Homecoming Dance with his FTIAG (who is an honor student, band member, member of the state symphony, black belt and outstanding member of her church). Per your request, I’m including a copy of DB’s transcript.

DB is currently a dual-enrolled student at Seminole Community College and, as the semester has only recently begun, no records are available right now. He is currently maintaining a 93 average in his AP Macro Economics course through the Florida Virtual School. Additionally, DB will be completing his Eagle Scout badge in Boy Scouts in the next 90 days and holds a 2nd degree Black Belt in Tae Kwon Do.

In addition to the transcript, I’m including a few other things. First, there is a timeline of DB’s developmental milestones since birth with dates and notes. Please excuse the blip in potty training in 1993. He recovered quickly and there’s never been an issue since. As you can see on the timeline, DB is far ahead of most of his peers developmentally. Second, a dvd with candid shots of DB interacting with people of all ages/colors/creeds/socioeconomic levels.

If you need further assurance, please contact me, in one of the ways listed below (email/phone/cell phone/shouting) and we can arrange a home visit so you can see DB in his natural environment.

If all goes well, I hope my son will meet the standards of your high school and be allowed to attend the dance.

Cordially,

Me

How crazy is this? Here is the letter I REALLY sent, along with his transcript (I’m such a sell-out – how do you draw the line between stuff that ticks you off and keeping your kids happy? I hate that I gave that stoopid high school ANYTHING!)

To Whom It May Concern:

My son, DB is seeking to attend Olympia High School’s Homecoming Dance next month with CB, a senior attending Olympia. Enclosed please find his transcript. The transcript shows DB to be a solid student. This year he is a dual-enrolled student at Seminole Community College. As the first semester has only recently begun, no records are available for those courses. He currently is maintaining a 93 average in his AP Macro Economics course through the Florida Virtual School. Additionally, he will finish his Eagle Scout award in the near future. DB is also a 2nd degree Tae Kwon Do black belt.

DB has never had a problem with behaving well in public and I anticipate no problems at the dance. In the unlikely event something untoward were to occur at the dance, DB understands he will be held accountable for his actions.

I hope this letter and the transcript are sufficient enough to allow DB to attend the dance. If you need additional information, please contact me.

Sincerely,

Me

I printed both letters for Danny. He gave them both to his gtiaf. In turn she gave them to her parents. Her parents are leery of homeschooling, but warming up to it as they get to know Danny. They suggested I add blood samples and some fingerprints to both of my letters. Gotta love it.

10 thoughts on “The "MAN" doesn’t care if you’re stressed out . . .

  1. OMGOSH!!! I would totally send both. Maybe send the second on the day of the dance.. SO they get it, but after the fact!

    We are talking about PUBLIC SCHOOL!! Are you kidding me.. I just attended open house. It was a JOKE! Most of these teachers can't spell transcript.

    Poor Dan, but I understand, you have to drawl the line at your kids being happy…

  2. Stoopid indeed. I so appreciate your struggle to defy while letting Dan do something important to him. Bless your heart Amy, hope it gives you giggles someday.

  3. For Dr. Phillips last year (which is in the same county we are) I had to provide a letter from the county saying we were homeschoolers in good standing and a copy of Braden's driver's license. I had to fill out some ridiculous form for Apopka for Riley. The school we are zoned to and he swims for needed proof that he was under 20 years old and not a felon. I hope he has fun!

    After starting all the college crap, I have just conceded we will have to jump through some hoops. Part of the game. Can't wait for game over!

  4. How Bizarre! Katie went to two Dr. Phillips homecoming dances with friends. She was homeschooled and required nothing more than the price of the ticket! Of course this was 2000 and 2001 so it was a while ago. My have things changed!

  5. Kate brings up an important point – you did not mention whether he's a felon.

    I wonder what the thinly veiled justification for this is? It boggles. I hope I can get it together enough to do the Right Thing, when/if the time comes, and just keep The Thing I Wanna Do confined to those within our Circle of Trust. (But personally, I loved the first letter.)

    On the upside, he can never *ever* play the “you don't support me” card. You just have to whip out the transcript and raise one eyebrow, and *KAPOW* you've won that argument. 😛

  6. Hey Amy,

    It's not just your county. Jake was invited to go to homecoming with his best gal pal from 7th and 8th grade. In 9th grade, they ended up going to different high school, but she wanted him to go to her dance. Same county, different schools. He needed me to fill out a form and also have his school fill out items so he could attend her dance.

    Kaaren at work, not signed in. 🙂

  7. Maybe do your fingerprint card in BLOOD to kill two birds (ha ha) with one stone.

    Also the mugshot photo he could hold a card that is black with white letters HOMESCHOOLER rather than numbers.

  8. You know, just when I think I've heard the most ridiculous story of what educrats get up to, another one comes along to top it.

    When Matt took choir at the local PS in 7th grade, I got a severe phone call from the principal. She wanted to inform me that he would be expected to adhere to their HIGH standards of behavior.

    I simply told her that his behavior was of far more consequence to me than it was to her.

    I didn't add that I'd seen a boy pissing on the sign out in front of the school the day I went in to fill out papers.

  9. LOLOL – you guys crack me up! I don't know whether to be comforted or even MORE bothered that other schools are doing this too. Isn't that why they have chaperones? Don't the really rotten kids use the dance as an excuse to dress up and go somewhere else to do bad things? :::sigh:::::

    No word from the power that be on this front. I liked the suggestion I got from a Facebook friend to have Dan wear a fuschia tux and a pimp hat so they can spot him right away. 😉

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