As we head to the end of our tenth year of homeschooling, I find myself once again feeling angst-y and stressed. The older boys are ‘old’ now and what they are doing ‘counts.’ Being the glass-half-empty kind of person I am, I find myself daily wondering what I’ve missed, how have I failed them, why is no one crying->we must not be doing enough (yes, this thought crosses my mind all too often!).
To ease my mind, I wrote out on our handy-dandy white board (How I long to replace that white board with a very cool painting someday.) what each kid is doing each day. I feel mildly reassured. I think. Wahhhhhh! I look at the lists and think how much more they could be doing if only I was willing to give up sleeping and become a vegetarian. But, I’m selfish and I’m not giving up sleep or my carnivorous habits just yet.
The big thing on our to-do list is to get Ian and Tim ready for the PSAT. Dan has taken the SAT and done very well, though he wants to take it again — don’t know where he gets that. But, I abhor the thought of teaching a test. Yet, I’m going to do it because that’s how the game is played. And, because I do very little in moderation, in fact, nothing but laundry pops into my head when thinking about moderation. Someone talk me out of wallpapering the kids’ bathroom and bedrooms with vocabulary words, essay hints and strategic math skills. Really. Tell me not to do it.
I don’t think I have ever described homeschooling as easy here – fun, yes, but not easy. I am, however, finding it difficult and scary as the boys get older. Very scary, in fact. What if I’ve ruined them? Socially, they’re just fine – they’re all black belts and could knock anyone out for lunch money at any time. But, what if I’ve focused too much on one thing? What if they had too much history and Latin and not enough elective kind of stuff? What if they goof and call Pluto a planet, or not a planet – what exactly IS the status of Pluto lately?
And then, “If if’s and but’s were candy and nuts we’d all have a good Christmas, right?” I think I have to go with that for now – for the sake of sanity.