Overthinking things, anyone?

I’ve always been guilty of overthinking things (to death) – just ask my sleep-deprived husband.  It doesn’t matter what it is, I think about it too much and make whatever it is MUCH bigger than it actually is. It’s a gift and a curse.  8)

I’ve been kind of dodging blogging lately because of the overthinking thing.  I want everyone to like me and I don’t want to upset anyone in anyway. Well, the reality of it is, I’m not a mild-mannered, regular person. If you read here at all, it’s pretty obvious that I have strong opinions about many things.  That does not preclude me from liking people who have different opinions. But, I am a wuss deep-down. 

I am very lucky that many of my regular readers know me in the “real world” and they know I’m not mean; I’m not a total loon and they know I’m not a zealot about anything (maybe sunscreen, but that’s a whole new debate.) .  And, for those of you who do not know me in real life, I’m telling the truth!

I spent some time reading my archives the past few days (I really need to go back and find the pictures that go with old posts).  Those posts are me, then.  The older boys were 12-ish when I started this blog and our life was that funny and crazy.  Now, Dan is on the verge of turning 18, Ian and Tim are 16 and even Andy has reached the un-cute age of 10. So much of the really funny stuff is not post-able.  (My goal is to have my adult sons actually visit me sometimes.)  Too much of it strikes me as a violation of their right to just live here.

But, now I’m faced with being me, just me without the kids, as a blogger. That’s a bit tricky – I haven’t been “just me” for about 18 years. What in the world do I have to say?  The older boys are finishing things up and don’t need much more from me than nagging these days.  For now, we will continue to homeschool Andy because he likes it and it’s still working for us.  But, my once full, full, full days are remarkably easy now.  I’m sore confused.

What do I blog about? I love homeschooling and I”m happy to help anyone that wants it, but I’ve been off of that evangelical homeschool wagon for a few years now. If that’s you’re choice, go for it.  If that’s not your choice, I’m not going to try to talk you into it.   I love home projects – gardening, refinishing furniture, painting, moving furniture, you name it … but I don’t love them enough and I’m not nearly good enough to blog about them full time.  See where I’m going with this?

Part of me feels like I’m short-changing Andy because I’ve lost a lot of my gung-ho-ed-ness about homeschooling (I know it works, I know he’ll be fine and he’ll go to college and be socialized without subjecting him to the crazy shit I subjected his brothers to.  In fact, I think Andy will one day thank me!  Or not – I have to think about it)  and even some of the crazy things that used to make me climb the walls when the older boys were 10 – I recall making charts –  Gah!  We’re not a chart family.  Andy is not lacking love or attention, he’s just got a different set of parents than his brothers did.  For good or bad.

So, after all of these years of using the boys and our adventures as a crutch, I don’t know what I have to blog about these days.  I’m thinking on it, but I just don’t know . . . I have nothing to say about fashion or movies or really anything that comes to mind right now.  Sure, I have opinions, but I”m not seeking to write a blog to convert people to my way of thinking.

And, there is my problem . . . WHAT am I writing about these days?

Thanks for sharing my angst …

6 thoughts on “Overthinking things, anyone?

  1. My kids are grown and essentially out of the house. That whole Katie and Matt's mom identity is not really mine anymore although I am their mom. When I blog about them I ask first, or after, knowing that I would take the post off if requested. My daughter is going through a lot of stuff that I feel strongly about but I don't feel as though I can talk about it in a blog. It is personal to her.

    My parents sometimes appear on my Porita's Life blog as well, Oh and my puppy. Sometimes I rant about stuff like sexy clothes for a 4 – 8 year old.

    Having an identity past being someone's mom or someone's spouse or someone's daughter can be difficult. I am struggling.

  2. I have hit a similar issue with my own blogging. I like blogging, writing, turning issues over in my head, photos, my crazy life, etc., but once Primo hit 13 I started asking her about posting about her (she really doesn't care since I don't use her real name). I also want people to like me, so I get nervous about posting anything controversial, and I am hoping that maybe (possibly, keeping fingers crossed) that my books will be published in the next year, so I am afraid that since the topic is already educationally controversial (elementary science), do I want someone stumbling across my blog, making the connection between me and my blog, and finding some excuse not to buy my books because I posted something religious, political, etc. they don't like. Intolerance abounds and just because I tend to be accepting and tolerant to a fault doesn't mean that others feel the same way.

    I think I am just going to keep writing for now. I do enjoy it and it is a creative outlet for me. BUT I may have to morph it over time to not be as transparent. I haven't decided yet.

    This is my only connection to you… someone I met IRL but that I don't *know* but would like to. I am regularly encouraged by your transparency. It is nice to know that what I am going through on a regular basis is not unusual. And finding one's own identity after being “mom” for so long is so difficult. I am glad that you are there for me to follow. 🙂

    Blessings to you!

  3. I've been thinking about similar things recently. You inspired me back in 2006 to start my own blog, but I keep it private for family and close friends. I neglected it for a couple yrs., but have taken it up again this year.

    This yr. held some serious and stressful crises, and I needed to look within myself to find things I enjoyed separate from homeschooling to relax. Just this week I decided to start a second blog and make it public to share the non-family/non-homeschooling things I'm interested in.

    Like you, I have a variety of interests, so my blog will cover all my spurious and disjointed pursuits. Much of it will be sharing tech stuff I enjoy following.

    As your days change, your unique perspective won't. The view from under the Foil Hat will always be your journey. Your life will move in new directions, and I sure hope you continue to bring us along. I know I've always enjoyed the inspiration and the ride.

  4. My oldest is 10. My youngest is 4. There are 3 in between.

    You give me hope that I can survive.

    If you don't blog, I'll wonder what the boys finally did to you while you were sleeping.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s