I’ve always been guilty of overthinking things (to death) – just ask my sleep-deprived husband. It doesn’t matter what it is, I think about it too much and make whatever it is MUCH bigger than it actually is. It’s a gift and a curse. 8)
I’ve been kind of dodging blogging lately because of the overthinking thing. I want everyone to like me and I don’t want to upset anyone in anyway. Well, the reality of it is, I’m not a mild-mannered, regular person. If you read here at all, it’s pretty obvious that I have strong opinions about many things. That does not preclude me from liking people who have different opinions. But, I am a wuss deep-down.
I am very lucky that many of my regular readers know me in the “real world” and they know I’m not mean; I’m not a total loon and they know I’m not a zealot about anything (maybe sunscreen, but that’s a whole new debate.) . And, for those of you who do not know me in real life, I’m telling the truth!
I spent some time reading my archives the past few days (I really need to go back and find the pictures that go with old posts). Those posts are me, then. The older boys were 12-ish when I started this blog and our life was that funny and crazy. Now, Dan is on the verge of turning 18, Ian and Tim are 16 and even Andy has reached the un-cute age of 10. So much of the really funny stuff is not post-able. (My goal is to have my adult sons actually visit me sometimes.) Too much of it strikes me as a violation of their right to just live here.
But, now I’m faced with being me, just me without the kids, as a blogger. That’s a bit tricky – I haven’t been “just me” for about 18 years. What in the world do I have to say? The older boys are finishing things up and don’t need much more from me than nagging these days. For now, we will continue to homeschool Andy because he likes it and it’s still working for us. But, my once full, full, full days are remarkably easy now. I’m sore confused.
What do I blog about? I love homeschooling and I”m happy to help anyone that wants it, but I’ve been off of that evangelical homeschool wagon for a few years now. If that’s you’re choice, go for it. If that’s not your choice, I’m not going to try to talk you into it. I love home projects – gardening, refinishing furniture, painting, moving furniture, you name it … but I don’t love them enough and I’m not nearly good enough to blog about them full time. See where I’m going with this?
Part of me feels like I’m short-changing Andy because I’ve lost a lot of my gung-ho-ed-ness about homeschooling (I know it works, I know he’ll be fine and he’ll go to college and be socialized without subjecting him to the crazy shit I subjected his brothers to. In fact, I think Andy will one day thank me! Or not – I have to think about it) and even some of the crazy things that used to make me climb the walls when the older boys were 10 – I recall making charts – Gah! We’re not a chart family. Andy is not lacking love or attention, he’s just got a different set of parents than his brothers did. For good or bad.
So, after all of these years of using the boys and our adventures as a crutch, I don’t know what I have to blog about these days. I’m thinking on it, but I just don’t know . . . I have nothing to say about fashion or movies or really anything that comes to mind right now. Sure, I have opinions, but I”m not seeking to write a blog to convert people to my way of thinking.
And, there is my problem . . . WHAT am I writing about these days?
Thanks for sharing my angst …