Driving Miss Amy

When Dan was learning to drive it was a bit combative – he’s my son that likes to argue the sky is not blue if I say it is. However, Dan and I had a code.  If both my feet were wedged against the glove compartment and I was shrieking insensibly, that was his signal to stop whatever-the-hell-insane-thing he was doing and listen to the words coming out of my mouth before we met a flame-filled death.  Our other signals were equally as subtle and Dan is now a confident young driver.  You’re welcome, world.

Lately, Ian has been my driver.  Ian and Dan are entirely different people.  Dan is smart.  Ian is scary smart and not always grounded in “our” world.  Driving with Ian is kind of surreal.  One minute he’s there, the next he’s thinking big thoughts and we’re careening towards a construction wall.  It’s killing me.  He doesn’t notice if I’m curled into the fetal position hanging from the “Jesus” strap.  He doesn’t pick up on my ‘subtle’ use of the “parent brake” on my side of the car.  It’s aging me.  Mike and I are encouraging him to move to a city where people don’t really need cars.  Think of it as a public service. And, even as I type this, I have to admit, Ian is a good driver – really. He’s very zen about the whole process.  I’m not.  I’m sure by the time he gets a license I’ll feel much better about it all (see my previous posts about teaching Dan to drive).  In the meantime, send me a spine and some patience.

Tim is up next.  We’ll see. 

Mike and I were talking this evening and we both agreed that by the time Andy is ready to drive we’ll both be OK with curling up in the back seat with a blanket and a little bottle of bourbon. 

You folks with little kids are nodding and smiling – come talk to me in 10 years.  You think it won’t happen to you – muhahahahaha.

7 thoughts on “Driving Miss Amy

  1. I helped one of our good friends daughters to get all of her driving time in a few years ago. The only way I survived was to have a little bit of valium before each excursion. Just enough to take the edge off. You should try it sometime!

  2. My daughter's husband (boyfriend at the time) taught her how to drive. YES she was THAT scary! After a few very close calls I called it quits and so did she. She was in college when her boyfriend taught her. Away in Tallahassee. All of the Central Florida people can thank me for keeping her off our roads. They survived the experience of the boyfriend teaching her to drive, so I guess this marriage will work just fine! Oh She's a good driver now!

  3. I'm laughing, but only b/c I secretly plan to send the boys to your place when it's time. 🙂

    My Dad had to teach me how to drive. There's no way my mother and I could have survived that kind of trauma in our relationship. But Dad? He'd already taught three sons to drive, and had a good 40 years of heavy drinking under his belt. He knew how to tap his inner Calm. Good stuff.

  4. I took drivers ed and it started a few days after I turned 15…my parents did take me a few times during that semester to the elementary school in the evening to practice some parallel parking (just a few times). But other than that my only driving from August to January was at school. Then when the semester was over, from January to August, I drove with them but not nearly as much as I should have.

    I am hoping that the trend to not having drivers ed will reverse in 6 years.

  5. “It's killing me. He doesn't notice if I'm curled into the fetal position hanging from the “Jesus” strap.”

    Thanks a lot! *Wipes coffee off of the screen.* ROFL

    I am not looking forward to The Driving in *gulp* 3 years.

  6. hope you are okay…surely something funny has happened lately and nothing bad.

    word verification—beepo made me think of a car horn

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