Another butterfly . . .

Things are improving, but I’m still unable to sit still and NOT smoke. Habits suck. Anyway, this makes blogging tricky.  Plus, my mood isn’t all that great. In fact, it’s kind of mean. I’ve been on the internets (what the boys call the lining of their swimsuits) long enough to know there’s enough mean out there without me adding to it.  I’m here, just mean and mobile for now. I wish you were all my neighbors so I could come paint or scrub or clean or organize for you (with your kind permission of course, I’m not a total loon).  As it stands, Mike and the boys are about ready to padlock me into the treehouse.                          

I’m kind of bummed, I’m losing the garden war. We have had more rain in the past two weeks than we normally get in two months (and we normally get a LOT of rain this time of year).  The zucchinis wimped out first.  All the purty baby zucchinis rotted away. I ripped the plants out yesterday afternoon, after I apologized to the plants for being mean and telling them it was their own damn fault for getting stinky. I think I salvaged the cucumbers and some of the peppers.  Ugh . . . 

I have a bunch of tomatoes here – what’s your favorite thing to do with fresh, ripe tomatoes?  I don’t have enough for a sauce, I’m thinking bruschetta (sp?) with dinner tomorrow.

Aside from the being restless with not smoking, I’m kind of freaked out about my upcoming birthday.  I’ll be 45 on the 16th.  I’m ok with being 45, but somehow, I thought I would have done more in all of those years.  Let’s face it, 45 is not, for most of us (particularly the ex-smoker), middle aged, it’s the beginning of not-middle-aged. I expected more from myself by this age and I’ve let myself down. I guess now I need a new plan. It’s hard to know where to start, though. Who has the blueprints? 

Anyway, I’m still here, just not feeling terribly fun or funny, though I will again, I’m sure.                                                                                                                                                                      

5 thoughts on “Another butterfly . . .

  1. You have made FOUR humans and then raised them. There's a lot accomplished right there! Who knows? Maybe one of those humans will bring about world peace? You have good friends, a happy family and a garden. Although those zucchini are just ungrateful. They want water and when they get water, they don't want THAT much! Huh! 🙂

    I am 51 and most likely “middle aged.” What the hell, it's been a fun life, mostly, so far!

  2. It's very hard to quit smoking.
    And I'm proud of you.
    This bitchy phase will pass… trust me.

    As for accomplishments?
    Think about what you've done.
    Great kids. Happy marriage.

    Sorry about the garden, but it's sort of lucky about the zucchini… you can always tell who has a garden in the neighborhood because when you go to their house they try to give you zucchini daiquiris.


  3. Amy do you remember on Sesame Street the cartoons that would be about a channel on tv The dance channel…”all dance, all the time”. The dog channel… “all dogs, all the time”.

    Well, life can't be the Funny Amy channel…”all funny, all the time.” Don't put so much pressure on yourself to be anything but human (with a high percentage of funny because you lean in the funny direction).

    I do have a kitchen that needs painting and the kids will be gone to “cousin camp” June 21 for a few days. And if that isn't enough there is a HUGE garage mess that needs sorting and organizing.

  4. You guys are awesome. Ami, I'm bummed, though, I'd never consider vegetable cocktails. LOLOL

    Claire, I'll come paint you kitchen if you'll let me go with red or maybe a really awesome green. 8)

    Portia, you're right – it IS mostly fun.

  5. Amy, I can't help but point out the AWESOME friends you've made in those 45 years. I love how they rally 'round you when you're having a tough time.

    As far as your birthday goes, I think Pam's coming over that day and we'll drink to your day!!


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