20/20

Today, I sucked it up and went to the eye doctor.  I’ve gone two years without contacts and I’ve hated every minute of it.  I especially hate summer in Florida without contact lenses.  Wearing my glasses in the humidity and extreme heat only means they slide off my face any time I try to do anything – say weed a garden or pull laundry out of the dryer.  Wearing my glasses at the beach is even worse.  I love to swim and go boogie boarding, but I don’t like either of those activities when I cannot see more than two feet in front of my face.

So, why, you ask, did I go so long without the contacts?  Mostly, money.  There was always something else that had to be paid for and as soon as I would set aside the money, something would come up.  This year I decided I was getting the contacts.  I asked Mike and the boys if they were planning to outgrow or wear out their shoes, clothing or the pantry this month.  When they said no, I made them swear and I made the appointment.

To Andy’s delight, he got to come with me.  I saw a new doctor today.  I loved her.  I want her to be my friend.  She was funny and interesting and we talked about toenail polish, kids, feeding kids, my insane fear of having my eyes dilated, her fear of dentists and even books. We talked way too much and I’m sure my appointment put her behind for the rest of the day. 

I failed the eye exam the way I always do.  I can’t see past my wrist.  The best I can do is tell you there is a light on in the room and that I know about the big “E” on the wall.  The good news is, my extreme nearsightedness is a plus as I get older.  No bifocals in my near future.  I didn’t think there was a problem, but after seeing so many of my friends having to get bifocals lately (not to mention Mike), I wondered.

The doctor let Andy look in on her end of things a couple of times and he thought it was pretty cool.  Then she showed him the drops she was putting in my eyes.  In the best of times, my pupils are big.  I have light blue eyes and it’s an interesting effect.  Dilate my pupils and people stare.  Andy watched in horror.  When my eyes were fully dilated he said “You look like Homer Simpson when he licked that frog.”  Thank God the doctor is a fan of The Simpsons, she and Andy howled and mocked me through the rest of the exam – the receptionist even joined in the act.  (I got a glimpse in the mirror and their mockery was justified. Spooky.)

In the end, it’s all good.  I have contacts!!!!  My eyes finally returned to normal around 9 pm.  It feels so good to have the glasses off of my face and to have peripheral vision again.  

Now everyone say a little prayer that no one outgrows their shoes, shorts or anything until July.  

** That is not my eye in the picture, but close enough.

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