I am so unmotivated and pessimistic lately.  I hate it.  I’m not like that but, then again, maybe I am. I never was before – really.  More and more I find myself so overwhelmed by daily life and the stoopid details and, mostly, worrying about what’s next that I’ve kind of just shut down.  And that is insane given that I have a perfectly nice daily life and none of the big details have changed.

We’re still stretched for money every month, but we’ve still got plenty to cut from the budget if it comes to that. And, since we’ve had kids, we’ve been stretched and we’ve always managed. I don’t know what is wrong with me.  I’ve added this to my to-do list under “things to fix.”  

Once again, I’ve turned off the news because I think the 24-hour stream of ‘whatever’ is just too much.  It’s a mess. The mess is the fault of a lot of people. (It’s like dealing with my kids when they were much younger.  The mess is the mess and I don’t care who made it, you’re all covered in mustard, corn flakes, mayo and vaseline – you’re all going to clean it up. It can be as easy or as hard as you want to make it. I’m here all day.) 
And, I’m secretly tempted to run for Congress so I can take a 6 week vacation. (Are these people for real?)  The kids and I could travel and see all kinds of things – especially because I’d have that nice congressional salary coming in whether I was there or not.  Sweet deal.  (Really, do any of you have the option of just saying, “I’ll be back in six weeks to resume my job.”? Can you even imagine?) I’d even suck up the campaign nonsense and my opponent airing all my ugly laundry to the masses.  I can’t be worse than a lot of people, right?  In fact, I think if I had been worse in my younger days, it might seal more votes. (Now I’m cracking myself up.)  I could be the Joan Jett of Congress, only I look more like Olivia Newton John in Grease – you know, because I’m pale and blond.  Either way, I’d be there for you, except when I was taking my vacations.  But, really, I’d be there.
OK.  That’s out of my system for now.  I’ll be sticking to my audio books and whatever comes from Netflix (even if they think I’m stoopid).  
I’m hoping these changes will improve my attitude and my mood.  My family is close to sacrificing animals in the hopes that this works. I’ve been mean and grumpy lately. This mood cannot continue. (slapping myself a la Cher in Moonlighting – “Self, snap out of it!” Whew! I continually surprise myself.)
I am working on some positive things – the garden for the fall; soap, lots and lots of delicious soap; school for the boys and lots of reading and talking; you know, all the stuff that is real and that matters.  Stick with me while I detox a bit.  I know “nice Amy” is hiding in here somewhere.  Really.  I’m sure she is.

4 thoughts on “Gah!

  1. Keep the news off everywhere for a week and see if you don't feel a little different. And by everywhere I mean on the computer, tv, radio etc. It isn't that I avoid it all but I try not to seek it out. It adds a filter that helps me from being depressed/upset/angered by it all.

    Hope you find your “nice” Amy in there somewhere. Oh and if you happen to find “motivated to clean the house Bobbi” will you send her back?

  2. Seriously, man, I stay on blackout. I figure there's nothing I can do except stew, so I just concentrate on making MY little corner of the universe less self-centered and mendacious. And I include in my blackout anyone who wants to rant at me (from EITHER “side of the aisle” b/c I wash my hands of the lot of them).

    Loved your comparison to the mess. Perfect. I could give a rat's ass who did it (it was Reagan, btw), just clean it up. Or, at the very VERY least, stop making it worse.

    My word is “larvi” which is making me itch.

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