Merry Christmas to you too, IN JAIL!

Well, I’ve done my best.  Our neighbor seems intent on killing anything resembling fun around here.  About 9 am Christmas morning, the gifts were opened and Andy was beyond excited to try out the bow and arrow set he’d received from his brothers.  It was a kid’s archery set – no lethal arrow tips.  Just an archery set designed for a boy in the fifth grade.  Mike and Andy headed outside.  As Mike was setting up a “safe zone” for Andy to shoot the arrows, Andy launched an arrow right into Miss Andrea’s yard.  We all froze in horror.  But, no one was in the yard and we thought we were safe.  For about 15 minutes. 
Mike and Andy had moved to the “safe zone” Mike had set up.  Mike promised Andy he’d replace the arrow lost in enemy territory during the week (the kit only came with 2 arrows).   I was in the house cleaning up breakfast and puttering when the “knock” came.  It was a police officer, who lives just a street over.  He was holding Andy’s arrow – conveniently snapped in half by the neighbor.  Mike took him out back and showed him what was really going on.  I made him a plate of cookies.  Mike and the police officer trade dog and lawn secrets and have for years – they’re not friends, but they’re friendly.  The cop explained he had to follow up on all the calls.  Mike and I told him we understood and asked what kind of plate he and whoever he was riding with on New Year’s Eve would like, as there is no doubt they’re going to be called out.  We agreed on a plate of appetizers and a plate of desserts. 
I don’t know what to make of my neighbor.  She’s not old.  She is sick.  She’s lived next to us for 10 years.  The first 4-5 years were fine.  We always remember her on holidays.  She’s always been invited to neighborhood parties.  My kids are well-behaved and are not destructive.  I feel sad and sorry for her, but I’ve given up.  I don’t know that there’s anything else I can do. 
If nothing else, she’s helped us make some good holiday (Christmas, New Year’s Eve, Memorial Day, my birthday, July 4 and Halloween) memories.  We know most of our town’s police force by name and nothing makes a holiday more fun than a police cruiser driving into your yard.  The kids will remember our holiday raids for sure.

5 thoughts on “Merry Christmas to you too, IN JAIL!

  1. Trade ya. Send the cops over here. In return, you can have my batshit crazy father. And doormat mother. And all their f*****g baggage.

    I'm sorry, this isn't about me, is it?

    I'm giggling over your use of the phrase 'holiday raids'. ::Snort::

    I can't believe she broke the arrow. Old bitch. Reminds me of the snapping the fishing pole scene in Grumpy Old Men.

    Can you give me her phone number? I want her recipe for clam dip.

  2. We used to live across the street from a paranoid schizophrenic who, when off her meds, used to turn the hose on her neighbors if they tried to grill outside. She was convinced they had bodies in their basement and her house (old downtown row houses) was filling with “corpse gases” b/c of the neighbors activities. She'd put signs in her front window announcing this. It's sad. But it's also REALLY funny.

  3. Oh, Man. What kind of old bitty could call the cops on a little boy on Christmas Day?

    My Mom suffers from mental illness and I know we're supposed to sympathize, but sometimes it just pisses me off. And that's with my own Mom. I can't imagine if it was just a neighbor.

    I'd probably skip past sympathize and move right on to being pissed off, LOL.

  4. Your neighbor must be my neighbor's sister! And I can one-up you, if yours saves her phone calls for the holidays. Around here, it's several times weekly, apparently. Most of the time, we never hear about it until we happen to run into an officer, or the village clerk. (The neighbor also harasses village office about us on a routine basis.) We have a copy of the police report where she complained because our kids smile at her when she's outside.
    I do feel sorry for her, really. What a sad way to live. And we're pretty much fun people to have as neighbors, too! 😉

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