Does it ever go away?

You may or may not know the feeling . . . will my debit card/check go through?  It’s really been years and years since we’ve lived that close to the edge, we haven’t moved too far away from that edge, but there is definitely more breathing room than there used to be.  Still 
. . . whenever we buy something that is not essential to us being alive and well, I find myself holding my breath as the computer thingie verifies that we are not deadbeats.  It’s a sick feeling and I hate it and I wonder if it will ever go away, I don’t think it will – even if we won the lottery or something (which we keep meaning to play but always forget – you’d think we’d be more on top of that as it’s our current retirement plan but I digress .  .  .)
Today was fun.  Scout stuff in the morning was handled by Mike.  The man is definitely going to heaven – he ended up with a group of 11 year-old scouts – nice kids all around but not terribly attuned to getting things done.  At this point, Mike is used to older scouts who are all about efficiency and getting on with their real lives.  Mike was sore tire when he arrived home around lunch time.  
Still, give the man credit, he ate lunch, watched tv/took a nap (depends who you talk to) for an hour and came with me to the nursery.  I’m soooo excited.  I have six different kinds of tomatoes to test out, several new peppers and a bunch  of other fun stuff.  Mike and Andy (who was walking strangely when we went into the garden store when we all noticed that he was wearing one of Tim’s – size 12 – shoes and one of his own – size 8 – shoes.  Same shoe/different sizes, but talk about clumsy – how does a person NOT notice he’s wearing one shoe that is a full four sizes bigger than his own??????) – helped me stay focused and get out of the nursery with what I needed and nothing more. STILL, I held my breath as the check out girl ran our card.  I KNEW the money was there.  But, gah … I was having too much fun buying tomatoes for it to end well.  It was fine.  Mike thinks I”m a total loon.  Andy has no clue about my money/panic issues STILL KNOWS I’m a loon.
Oh well, I had fun and I feel like I “won” too.  Color me stoopid. This is my world, weird and flawed and, did I mention weird? But, if you color me stoopid I will not share my Dark Prince, purple tomatoes. Then you’ll be sorry! 😉  

And so it goes here. 

2 thoughts on “Does it ever go away?

  1. I love heirloom tomatoes, I am happy for you.
    I know the feeling for sure, still there. Another 2 years on our credit consolidation plan and then we are debt free except for the mortgage. Living on one income to homeschool is difficult but I wouldn't want it any other way.
    The sneaker thing sounds like something our little one would do, lol.

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