PMS House 893

This getting old really sucks.  PMS is here almost as often as Nice Amy is lately.  Honestly, there should just be an off switch for when you know you’re done with certain body parts. 
That said, I’m in a mood and you should all stay out of my way.  For example, the parents I sat next to at Andy’s football game this evening. First, let’s be clear, I despise adult women who try to carry themselves as children.  The woman in question  has long, long hair (actually, it’s kind of beautiful) that she ties with a loose ribbon that matches her visor, her short shorts (sorry ladies, if you’re past 40 and you’re not Demi Moore, short-short shorts are not your friends) , matching cuffed ankle socks and even sneakers with matching stripes – she also affects a weird pigeon-toed thing when she walks, but I’m not willing to go into that.  Okay, that’s enough reason to hate her and her pretty hair and her over-exposed cottage-cheese thighs.  BUT . . . I was sitting all of 18″ away from her.  I said “Hi!” when I sat down.  I tried to be friendly, but she was having none of that – I’m thinking my super-short hair might have freaked her out????  I held in my “whatever feeling” at her absurd outfit. WHY could she not keep her own mouth shut????  
If Andy was 46 and a woman, he would look a LOT like me – we look that much alike (he’s just way prettier).  STILL, I have to listen to her b*tch and moan about the coaching and how unfair it is that some kids are taller than others and that her son hasn’t had a growth spurt yet.  (Have I mentioned that Mike is the coach????) I have to defend her husband here.  He kept trying to interject things like “Honey, life isn’t fair.” and “Kids grow when they grow … it’s not X’s fault that he’s not as big as some of these kids, but, then again, I’m not as big as some of these kids’ dads!”  Nice, sensible guy.  She stopped talking to him altogether.  :::sigh:::

I bit my tongue. This is the 9-11 age group – HUGE stretch size-wise.  Guess what, lady, it gets worse in the 12-14 group!!!!!!    In this woman’s mind, Andy is a giant.  Andy has not had a true “growth spurt.”  He’s just a big kid – doh!  Look at his dad or even me, I have the shoulders of a Division II linebacker.  Anyway . . . if you don’t know who you’re sitting amongst, shut your mouth.  If the coach is a volunteer – duct tape your mouth. If your kid is a spaz who cannot even catch a snap from the center – go home.

Honestly, this woman was so ugly and so critical of Mike and every single kid on the field but her own . . . I was grateful for half time and a chance to move without making a big deal of it.   Be nice to the volunteer parents in your lives.  Be really nice to them.  They try so hard.

And that’s all for tonight.  Nice Amy should be back sometime soon.

4 thoughts on “PMS House 893

  1. hum, maybe bring an adult pair of shorts to her next practice…

    Peyton started football Monday. I know his coach (his actual legal name is Tony Stark…) The kids all love him, he is Iron Man after all. He coached my older boys, and loved every minute of it. This year he is on shore duty and his 5 year old asked him to coach.

    Poor guy, my heart goes out to him. He showed up at the first practice, handed out nice color coded plays for offense and defense. By the end of the first practice he was just trying to get them all to run in the same direction, and not do the “oh, look a butterfly”.. We as parents have decided that a nice BIG, HUGE coaches thank you gift is in order.

  2. Try not to let her issues be your issues. She is lucky to have someone like Mike do this for the kids. Heck, she's lucky to have the husband she does – too bad she doesnt realize it!

  3. Can't you just… moo at her?
    Take a big, deep breath. Make that moo come from waaaay down.

    Also, unobtrusively, take a photo of her. No, not for your blog, although that would truly be funny, but to print and hand to her, saying, “I just thought you should really see how you look. Isn't God good to make people so blind?”

  4. Eh, she's apparently wishing she lived in Barbie-land, where all the women can wear short shorts forever and ever because thigh dimples don't exist, and all the little boys are the exact same size like Tommy (I think that's the name of Kelly's male counterpart).

    One nice thing about Barbie-land is that Barbie can't actually talk and say annoying things that make us want to slap her upside the head.

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