I miss you, sleep. Please take me back!

I am no stranger to insomnia. However, I’m heading into week four and I am so sorry I ever took sleep for granted.  I’ve never needed a lot. Four-five hours was usually enough for me to do well (with the mandatory post-lunch nap).  NOW????  Waaahhh . . . I’ve passed mean and stoopid and now I’m kind of a zombie. I need more than an hour’s sleep at a time. That’s all I can seem to manage. I’ve cut out all but one caffeinated drink early in the day. I’ve been taking melatonin. I take a hot shower before bedtime. I’m doing everything they say to do. It’s not working. 

Mike generally gets ups at 4:45 am. He does whatever it is he does, packs up his stuff and goes to work out at the Y before heading to work.  He found me sitting here watching the news this morning.  Dear Lord! Are these people on the television every morning? I was just looking for something boring to make me sleepy again. Every channel featured skinny, too-tan women in sundresses chirping – seriously, they were chirping. If I had a BB gun, I would have shot the front of the tv out.  They get paid for that? People watch that? 
I want a channel with a nice normal-sized lady in her bathrobe or maybe her husband’s sweats, reading the news, maybe sometimes yelling at a dog or a kid. She could have a pull-down weather map attached to the hood of her stove and she could waffle about weather or grease stains.  I would love this woman. I would get up to watch her and I don’t get up for anything. I would write fan mail.
Chirpy sundress ladies? Eh…not so much. I don’t care if they have a law degree or a weather degree – I hate them. We all hate them – I just say it out loud. I might like them better at a cookout around 7 pm – but probably not, they would skip the potato salad and pick at the rest of the food while consulting their smart phone food-apps.  It would end badly – I’d have to herd them out to their cars to protect them from the neighbors and friends. Of course, while I herded them out to their cars, I would hand them fliers for my newest seminar – “Bacon and Mayonnaise are your friends.  Embrace them.” (No, I am not really giving seminars, but I think it about it when I can’t sleep.)

Send some happy sleep thoughts my way – this is not going to get prettier, folks.

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