Not sure it was $1300 worth of fun, but…

This morning I had the pleasure of taking Dan to the oral surgeon to have his wisdom teeth removed. (NOT Dan in the picture) Generally, we kind of crash around here the day after Christmas and spend the day eating cookies and playing new games and reading new books.  Today, not so much.  

We were lucky to get an early appointment and they took Dan back immediately while I filled out paperwork and paid the nice lady a lot of money.  I cannot think of a grosser job, so I have a hard time begrudging the surgeon the fee.  

I had a new book and was thrilled to have some uninterrupted time to read.  All too soon, maybe 25 minutes?, the nurse came to get me.  She led me to a little room and said the surgery was great but they were having a hard time waking Danny up.  Doh! I had a hard time waking him up to get him to the office and he had not been drugged the night before.  However, as I listened to peals of laughter from down the hall, she assured me that my son had a great sense of humor.  I did not even ask what he was saying.  He is a funny guy, but without a filter, I just don’t want to know.  He definitely put the office in a good mood, though.

About ten minutes later, they brought Dan to my room.  My only instructions were to keep him awake and keep him quiet.  This is my problem – I’m not the cheery mom. I’ve tried off an on, but my kids know that I’m lying when I applaud them for doing something inconsequential. Now, I was supposed to cheer my son on for waking up?  I assured Dan that as soon as we got home, he could sleep in his bed, but that for now, he just had to keep his eyes open.  

This led to the funniest tirade I have ever heard.  Dan, with his gauze-filled mouth, started ranting about how much he hates his bed at home and how he was never leaving this doctor’s office unless he could take the bed he was in right this minute.  And, me, being the sensitive woman that I am, started to laugh and could not stop which only made Dan angrier.  The doctor stuck his head in and distracted Danny with something shiny (really, he did) and he glared at me.  I snorted quietly into my purse.  

I was given instructions on how to care for Dan over the next couple of days and then instructed to drive behind the building where I nurse would somehow get Dan to the car.  The drive behind thing is brilliant and probably really good for business.  I would never go to this doctor if I saw someone like my son standing out front. He looked like Jacob Marley, but dumb.  The boy was a disaster.  The nurse suggested, as she loaded Dan into the car, that I get him a milkshake (no straw, just a spoon) on the way home so he would not be taking a pain pill on an empty stomach when he got home.  

I went to the nearest drive-thru and ordered a shake with a spoon.  I’m an idiot, I should have just asked for the spoon when I got to the window.  But, no, I asked at the microphone thingy and that confused the whole store.  Finally, we go the milkshake.  Dan, with his chinstrap ice pack around his head and a mouthful of gauze dug right in.  I was negotiating our way out of the parking lot before I looked over at him.  His face was so numb that he was spooning milkshake everywhere but his mouth.  It was horrifically gross.

At the first red light, Dan looked down at the sweatshirt he received from his uncle on Christmas Eve, It looks like this. He saw the milkshake goo and looked like he was going to cry.  I assured him I could get it clean again and he just shook his head.  After about 10 seconds, though, he went back to slopping milkshake all over himself.  

I have never been so relieved to put a kid to bed.  He slept for several hours and was semi-human and absolutely ignorant of everything that had happened that morning.  By tonight, he was mostly fine.  I’m making him stick to the regimen prescribed by the doctor, but he has no swelling, no pain, nothing. It’s kind of amazing.  

I talked to my mom earlier this evening and she asked if I took pictures.  I so badly wanted to.  But, the reality is, I’m getting older and will likely need some kind of surgery at some point. I am hoping that my resistance to taking a picture of ridiculous Dan this morning will be repaid someday.  I sure as hell don’t want my post-op pics on facebook.  Still, though, one picture might have been worth it.  I guess we’ll never know now.

2 thoughts on “Not sure it was $1300 worth of fun, but…

  1. You know you may mention to him that you refrained from taking photos and WHY… in case he doesn't 'get' it.

    Glad he came through okay. Both my kids had theirs out. First kid having it done made me sick. As in barfing sick. Someone was pulling teeth out of my baby!! Second kid would have made me barf, too, but by then I'd discovered xanax, so I was all, 'meh'.

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