Writing for $$ is Hard

:::sigh::: This picture sums up why I struggle to make money writing. The key to writing online is to be able to write quickly and with little research.  (There are other things, but I’ll spare you. Those are the two biggies.)

I’m getting better at the speed thing and at making wise choices on topics.  And, then, I get an offer to write about Easter eggs. Doesn’t pay much, but big audience and residual income potential.  

The article requirements were simple enough. Provide instructions for three egg decorating trends and one original picture.  I should have had this article done in 30 minutes. But . . . dye and eggs and craft supplies and my Martha Stewart dreams.  By the time I finished, I was paying the client.  

I tend to pick up articles I”m going to write in the afternoon in the morning. That way I can think them through while doing fun stuff like Algebra and laundry and making dinner before driving to rowing. Yesterday, I had Andy googling Easter eggs as we drove.  With each thing he found, I thought of a new idea. It went downhill from there.

I texted Mike to get some eggs boiling while I was in Walmart. I was in Walmart for socks and dog food.  But I walked past this (see picture).  I know. I know. I spool of orange tulle just screams eggs dressed as baby chick ballerinas, doesn’t it? So I bought the tulle. 

During our drive, Andy mentioned eggs dyed with patterned silk fabrics.  So, of course, I stopped at two thrift stores to check out ties and blouses.  But the more I thought about it, the more I wondered about what was in the dye and was I going to poison someone’s eggs.  Scratch that. 

I finally made it to the library and tried to start writing – 400 words? That’s nothing compared to one of my blog posts.  A little girl, 3-4, was sitting behind me. We ended up having a long conversation about Easter eggs (good) and the Easter Bunny (weird) and why we liked the library. I didn’t get much done, but she was a riot. (For the record, I think the Easter Bunny is a downright scary concept – well beyond weird.)

We made it home at 7:45. After cleaning up dinner dishes, starting laundry, packing lunches and getting myself set up again, it was past 10.  This is usually when I get my first second wind.  I knocked out two articles I had not done at the library, all the while anticipating the thrill of Easter eggs.  

And, I made eggs and eggs and eggs.  Nothing turned out like it was supposed to and I even followed directions.  Let’s have a look:

Easter Chicks – notice the lack of tutus.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to make an egg-sized tutu? Do you have any idea how much time you can waste trying to make an egg-sized tutu?

This seemed easy enough.  Do a base color. Heat the eggs in boiling water and drizzle with crayon shreds and let them melt. The website I looked at had beautiful eggs.  Mine, meh. The brown? That’s the gold crayon I shredded – no sparkle and I don’t think there’s any gold in there either.  

My attempt at natural dye.  They’re okay, but I screwed up somewhere. Andy says I should call them dinosaur eggs and be done with it.

These are my literary eggs – you know I love to put words on stuff. I’m not getting the black-Easter connection, but they’re kind of cool looking.  

Have Sharpies? Decorate. Less messy than cups of dye.  Why did I never think of this when the boys were little?

 The homeschool nerd in me loves these eggs.  Art-inspired eggs.  Jackson Pollack.  Piet Mondrian. Vincent Van Gogh.  Add an -ish to all of those, but I think they’re fun.  Sharpies and acrylic paint.

And, as if the above eggs were not time-consuming enough, these eggs were a nightmare.  Another blog, more beautiful pictures and easy-peasy instructions.  

Ummm . . . my first clue should have been nail polish and something edible don’t mix. 

The idea is to drizzle layers of nail polish on warm water so that the polish floats on top.  You then lower your egg through the polish and back up.  

First, if you must try this, do not use a styrofoam cup. It will dissolve and melt all over your counter.  And you will spend 45 minutes scratching nail polish up.  When you keep going and try it again, you will end up with hands like this because who would have thought to try rubber gloves – doh!:

I have to admit I had fun. But, as far as the article went, I definitely ended WAY in the red (or blue, purple, pink or gold). 

Lesson learned.

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